Don't worry cause I'm used to things not going my way. It's okay that you don't love me but I just wanna say that it's problematic for me, cause there is nobody else who I can tolerate as well as you. And now I gotta find a new love interest partner or maybe I should just go back to the start and maybe then I'll die alone, the same way I was born. Oh shit, I'm overreacting, I still have some time to go. It's just a shame I have no interest in any of you and when I find someone I like she's like "No, I'm sorry, dude, I like to sing along to silly pop tunes with you. But that's all you really mean to me, is that cool?" Now I'm drunk and lost, and also very confused cause this time I thought that things would end up like in the movies. We would kiss, we would hold hands, we would dance intimately. I would look into your eyes and be like "oh em gee". But I'm always your second choice.

Cause these nights on the run, they're kinda like my records: they go fast and loud but they don't make any sense and I often pass out by the 13th song even though the stupid record's only 20 minutes long. I've been through this before, why is it still this hard? I'd shave my balls for you. I would hold in my farts. I would eat lunch for breakfast, and skip my desserts. Cause you punched my heart in the crotch and well, that kinda hurts. “I wish I could be your shirt”, or something like that? I don't get the metaphor, I just like to be sad when I listen to Jawbreaker or House Boat. “Real life as a metaphor for real life”? Well it shows. I'm all alone, but not for very long cause I plan to break the cycle that's going on and on. I've been passively passive for most of my life but now I wanna kiss a girl and tell her that she's super nice. But I'm always your second choice.

Either I'm not the guy you want or I live too far away. I don't have a driver's license, I just like to walk, okay? I'm not super good looking and I don't wear nice shoes. I like punk rock but not the kind they feature on the news. I'm not intelligent, although people say I am. I'm not funny, I don't smoke, I don't give a fucking damn. I can't skateboard, I spend too much money on food. I get scared when I walk around in strange neighbourhoods. I have too many friends, so you can't get all my love. You'll get most of it I promise but for some that ain't enough. I don't live on my own cause I can't afford it yet. And I can't visit you weekly, I don't have a private jet. I sometimes shower twice a day, that's just weird. Sometimes only twice a week that's also pretty weird. There's nothing wrong with me, but you all think that there is. So when it comes down to romance, you're all taking the piss. I don't buy you flowers cause I don't get the appeal. I'll buy you NES games or sweaters or at least something real. I'm not a conversation-maker, I just like to hang out. I wanna be by your side, but you are keeping me out. Cause I don't have a six-pack, I don't comb my hair. I wear hoodies all the time, and I only have one pair. I don't like pants, I think that's pretty obvious, and the majority of people make me nauseous. I'd rather write songs than study for school. I sing along to all my records and just act like a damn fool. I'm not a perfect son-in-law, I don't even try. So there's no valid reason why you'd want me in your life. I tend to drink too much on nights out and also on nights in. I tend to act all retarded because I don't know a thing about being socially adept or socially in line. I learned all my greatest dancemoves from Adventure Time. I read way too much webcomics but I'm not really a geek. So I can't be your cool boyfriend but also not your freaky one. I spend summers watching TV shows aimed at little kids. And I quit being surprised when I didn't make your list. I am a joke, and not even a funny one. I’m the butt of the joke, that's what I have become. The whole world's laughing at me, I don't know what it is. But I need a fucking girlfriend.