Some nights I hate the weather, some nights I hate the world. Some nights I go out dancing and I fall in love with girls who are out of my league but I don't mind that a bit. I got my back-up plan steady, I like to call it a friend, see? Got a couple of them and they're the people I need. They don't take me for granted and they don't see what you see. My life's a mess when I'm alone but also when they are around, my life's an upward fucking spiral but I'm stumbling down. I got my heart on my sleeve and it is fading away. I wish I'd gotten it tattooed so maybe then it would stay. I got a A4 full of problems in a really small font size, but sometimes I recognize I gotta go and realise that I'm not on my own, I have a couple peeps more. They have my back, they have my front, they have my sides and my bottom. I carry duplicates of them in my pockets all the time. They've told me that was creepy but I thought it was fine. I'm no stupid heartbreaker cause I don't have a clue. I just take those things and give 'em back and then continue with my life cause it'll always be the same. I sigh another time and mope around cause life is pretty lame. But I got my buds and they're all real cool and they all tell me I'm a fucking fool, so they're the reason I still go to school. Everytime I meet a girl I imagine us together,but my imagination's full of shit, no sweat. Just wanna hang out with my buddys, there's no girls allowed,no girls around and no girls about town. I go to parties just so I can have a good time, not for the music or the dancing, that's not my style. I like to joke around and have a blast and drink a glass of beer perhaps and end the night when everything's still fine. I keep telling everyone that I am not a boob. But that just makes them laugh and think I'm stupid. I'm not stupid. There's a world around us and another world as well,and a person is a person, I don't care how fucking small. Got my own speck world and it's super fun, there's a party constantly going on and you're invited to come dance along!

I got 99 bitches but you ain't one of them! And that sucks girl cause I really like you, and I kinda wanna be around you. But I can't cause you got a boyfriend and I can't wait for that to end so I just took a stand and I killed him. He's down in my cellar. I hope that you won't get him cause he smells like a celery stick that's been laying around for weeks. Just be glad I did it girl the guy was a geek. We're in love now, I don't know if you've heard. But you better check your heart or I'll be going berzerk. All my bitches are already jealous of you, they just started listening to Blink 182. I made you dinner, girl, cause I know you like to eat. I'll treat you like a queen. I'll give you anything you need. Also emotional stuff cause that's just how I am. I am a real gentleman, I don't care about your clam. I want your heart, and your love as well. I wanna be with you, want you to make me swell up. Go out dancing, get romancing. I wanna make out too and have sex with you, please?

I remember singing along to Debra Jean and changing the name to my high school queen whose name was (--) and she ruled my feelings. I was meant for her, she wasn't meant for me. I remember fantasizing non-sexually, but romantically how I wanted it to be, but it was clear that I was not her hero, but nonetheless it's hard to let go of this. One year later I still couldn't forget her, but I guess I left my past for the better. I was amourous with a girl in my class, but I got nowhere fast and never talked to her, cause stupid guys finish last and I'm an ass. That's a fact, you can check my logbook on that. I gotta get some stabilty in my emotionality, cause you keep stealing my heart and it belongs to me I fall in love every second or two, but once again I just get screwed. I lost my heart, I can't stop falling apart. I can't stop listening to Off The Charts. I remember sitting at a bar thinking "life is hard", sipping my ninth beer to get started (whoops, I farted), thinking about everyone I could be sitting with... shit! I could be eating pizza with my favourite lady but my favourite lady is somebody's baby and she's gotta be somebody's only light. She's gonna shine tonight, she's gonna shine tonight. All my crushes ended up illusional, yeah, the kinds that made me think that I am a loser you know. I'm sick of apathy, so I'll need someone to help me and teach me how to feel again cause I'm losing it, man. There's just a couple of girls in the whole wide world who set my heart on hold and I think that they stole it, cause I didn't get it back as far as I know and now my chest has a hole in it. Fuck.

I got a load of stuff to say. I kept them trapped down in my brain but now it's driving me insane and it's plain to see what's happening. I'm still real ill, I'll spit my rhymes at will, and you'll be glad I let you live, brotha. I'm really angry, really mad, super lonesome, really sad. I got it bad, man, I need to get this of my chest. You may think I like you and that's probably true but sometimes I just act nice so you don't know that I can't stand you. You're annoying and a nuissance, give me almost- mental breakdowns, cause you're stupid, incoherent and you've always been that way so next time I say "what's up?", it's "fuck off" I meant to say. Fuck off. And there's other things I hide cause I don't want you to find out what I'm really all about, you see? It's just silly to explain that I may be in a bad mood but that just means I'm a sad dude. It means there's something wrong with me but I don't know what that could be. I have concerns growing out of proportion in my head. Guess I got issues just like everybody else here. That's weird. I don't have a problem with my sexuality, but I kinda make an issue of my sex frequency. I'm not really frustrated cause I'm happy masturbating but I can't just hug my penis and I can't take it out for dinner. And that stinks cause I like to do those things. I like kisses of the cheek. I like silly conversations. But I'm reluctant to relations cause I don't know how they work and mostly I've seen them falling into fractions. - Sometimes I think that guys are pretty sexy. - A lot of times I like being alone. - I'm a jerk most of the time cause I don't know how to act. - And I ponder way too long about the things that have been done. - Sometimes I stare at girls and I feel super creepy. - And when I talk to them I'm probably picturing them naked. - I'm chronically nostalgic and that bothers me a bit. - But I just wanna tell you this to prove that I don't fake it.

I got a life but I don't know how to live it. Gotta give it something that makes me wanna keep it. It's a secret. If someone could help me that'd be neat, innit? It's miss or hit now. On the edge of my seat now. On the edge of the beat. On the tip of my tongue, in this shitty rap song, where I've been all along. I got a life and it's getting way ahead of me and it's fright'ning me. Insecurity. I think I gotta try to move on. I could be wrong. Gotta stand on my own, but not completely alone. Everything is gonna change and no one's gonna stay the same. I gotta alienate, upgrade my mental state, expose myself to the world and don't just do what I'm told. I am the boss of my goals. My ambitions are faulty. They're the only things that keep me going forward, and they're the only things that keep me from my boredom. Fuck. I spent my days on the internet and at night that makes me sad. I freak out in my bed, almost shit my pants and I end up feeling bad (about myself again). I'm just a guy and I lost my clue about this place, this time, this face. I'm in a mental race. It's not the case that I am a complete nutcase, but it may be a phase that I feel this way, like being gay is supposed to be a phase as well. But it's just a preference of banging someone else with the same genitals. I think that's super natural and if you're heterosexual that's also cool as hell. I'm just a guy and I'm stuck in a rut these days. I'm fucking lazy, so lazy I forget to be crazy. I used to be out of my mind but hitting 20 made me blind. Got left behind by myself. I put myself on the shelf. Now I'm sitting there, watching everyone I know go on with their lives like it's all sorted out. I think it's hard to be proud when you're so strung out by doubt, but I should stop comparing myself to the crowd. I am a failure. Self-deprecation. I gotta hold on. I wanna let go.