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I Eat Food And I Drink Beverages

by MC Karel

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    Includes high resolution cover/back art & lyrics sheet.
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1.
Yo I’m MC Karel and I don’t give a shit. I’m a really bad rapper so just deal with it, man! Everyday I think about a subject I can rap on, but mostly I just watch movies of girls with a strap-on. Bitch, I’m emotionally sick, that means I’m having problems with talking to cute chicks. Dude! My self-confidence is hitting new lows, but that increases a lot when I’m drunk at punk rock shows. Yeah, I drink a lot of beers, I chill out in my room and I listen to the Queers. I’m talking ‘bout the band, not the gay dudes. But if you are a gay dude then I respect your attitude. I’ve got my swagger dagger. But I’m not getting better. I keep fucking up, I suck at rhymes but I won’t stop. Maybe I’ll just have to listen to the Blitzkrieg Bop. That’s a Ramones song, released in 1976. If you don’t like that then go listen to Teenage Kicks. That’s by the Undertones, released in 1979. It’s pretty old, but it’s just fine. Hey, you wanna know more? I can tell you but I’m pretty sure that you’ll get bored. Damn! My whole life is super dull but I can go on and on about the shit of which it’s full. I still masturbate to pictures in the magazines. I think that’s weird because there is nothing that I’ve never seen before. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. But I’m glad it’s not too bad. Yo. I hope nobody’s grossed out now. Come on everybody party down now! This ain’t a sad song, it ain’t a cat song. I wish it was but cats don’t belong in rap songs.
2.
All this time I've spent my days by listening to awful music. All I've heard are songs that make my head hurt and I start to lose it. All these bitches sing about their problems with the female sex, but I think that these wankers need a frontal kick between the legs! They make generic songs 'bout killing someone's boyfriend and use the same three chords as in "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend". But somehow I can't stop myself from list'ning to this shit. This pop punk music really sucks but, hey, I kinda like it! So please don't shut me up, I've got something to say as well - so bear with me. Please don't make this stop I've got something to say... I make atrocities. When I'm mad I tend to check out heavy bands with angry lyrics, not because I think they're good but just cause they create a feeling I can't put my finger on no matter what I try to do, These bands just shout & shout & shout about the fact they don't like you. Musically these bands all rip off every band they've heard before, their albums are just noisy discs; their live shows leave me super bored. The drums are loud. The bass is loud. Guitars are just inaudible. But nonetheless I clap because their passion is applaudable. I've always wondered what it'd be like if I was the musicmaker, so I started rapping even though that's what I always hated. Now I see that music's not supposed to be a work of art, the only thing that really matters is just writing from the heart. If you do not get that then I don't see why you're still around cause obviously I have no actual skill to make a decent sound. So if you are still listening and thinking maybe that I'm right, please don't forget to sing along and boogie at the show tonight.
3.
Hey listen up it's me again. I'm coming at you and I'm failing again. still got my swag, still losing flow, but if you laugh at me I'll call you a ho! Bitch, I ain't no bitch. You should stop bitching, you're being a bitch! I'll stop saying bitch from now on and I'm gonna go and get my swag on. I'll try to be serious now, hopefully I still know how. But I got the mind and I got the brains so you should all stop calling me insane. I'm pretty intelligent. I study quite a lot and I play in a band. But it's not about me, it's not about me. This rap song's all about you, ya see! I'm sick of gals who judge you by your cover. I'm sick of her, but she thinks that I love her. It's just a fact, we're all dumb. So pack your bags and go get drunk! I don't think it's worth your time, there's a few other things that come to mind: like making music, chilling out and having fun, that's what it's all about! Keep your mind clear and you'll be okay, please don't listen to Ian McKaye. He had some problems with his rhymes now he's stuck forever in '85. It's cool to drink and smoke as long as you don't become a joke. Keep it fresh, and keep it clean stay off the drugs, if you know what I mean. I don't mind if you get stoned, get boned, condoned, roll another joint, but I'm not into it, as I said before, I don't give a shit! All I do is get drunk and regret, pass out and wake up in my bed, miraculously, it ain't easy you see cause there's definitely something wrong with me.
4.
I wake up, it's 12:30. What the fuck? My bed is dirty! Oh dear god, my clothes are gone. But hey, I got my shoes still on! My wallet's somewhere on the floor, my keys are still stuck on the door. My phone is ringing, holy smokes: got 15 calls from my old folks! They wondered where the fuck I've been, but I don't have a clue. They wondered who I've been with then, but I wish that I knew. My brain's a mess. My stomach's worse. My liver is the worst. I don't think it's a hangover, I think that I got cursed! I can't think of anything, anything at all. I don't think I remember anything at all. I know that I got hammered and probably pissed my pants. Cause when I go out drinking it always gets out of hand. Now I'm sick. The toilet's clogged. My friends are mad. My head is fucked. I can't see clear. I stumble down. Can't talk to anyone around. There's half a pizza on the couch, but I'm not really hungry now. I can't have breakfast anymore and lunch just makes me throw up more. So I just drink a ton of coffee and it works a treat. And I eat a grilled cheese sandwich that I left on my bed sheets. Got no money left so I decide to stay the fuck inside, so I don't have to deal with all the shit that I did wrong last night. My brain is sick. My stomach's fucked. I hate my life. Another beer.
5.
E = MCkarel 01:48
I’m not a fucking scientist, I ain’t no biochemist, bitch. I don’t know any formula and I will not get fucking rich. I’m failing life. I try to get back. I’m not stupid. I just relax. I don’t need no answers I just wanna lay back. My brains are made for studying but there’s other people too who can take my part and think about the things that we do. They make laws of nature and discover elemental stuff, cause our knowledge of the world can never be enough. I don’t care about the outside world. I would rather be fucking bored. I will stop being smart and start being cool. Now, there’s wisdom in my head and I wanna get it out. And I don’t wanna say some things so I just shut my mouth. I never was the smartest kid. My brain was pretty shit. So I lost all my ambition, now my studies make me sick I’m the illest motherfucker that you will ever know, and I don’t know anything about what goes on in the world. I’m stupid and I’m lazy and I haven’t got a clue. I can’t solve any problems without any help from you.
6.
There's this dude called Allan Poe, pretty good at writing prose. His poems were off the hook. I think he even wrote a book about thoughts on composition. He thought writing was bitchin'. But the dude was pretty nuts, everyone hated his guts. He hated everyone back, the guy was wack. hated the South and the North, I guess he just got bored of democracy and shit, it made him really really sick. Started drinking as a cure but passed away in Baltimore. Edgar Allan Poe had a tell-tale heart of gold. Edgar Allan Poe still has stories never told. Edgar Allan Poe - "This is it and nothing more." Edgar Allan Poe - Quoth the raven "Nevermore." He's pretty famous nowadays, not like back in the days when his fans were overseas: they were the poètes maudits. They were the symbolist guys, but not the simplest guys. No, they were crazy in the head, but their poems weren't bad. They liked the style of Allan Poe, he had the sickest goddamn flows. His lyrics were so dope, but he often lost all hope. Allan Poe was from the hood, that's what made him so damn good. He hated everything around him, but created a new sound, man!
7.
I’m walking down the street with my ghetto blaster. I’m going pretty slow but the music is fast, and some fella comes to me and wants to ask a question “What’re you listening, man? What’s that radio station?” I looked at him and asked if he was Marty McFly cause I was sure that he was from another time. “What’s a radio, man? I don’t know what that is. All I’ve had in my life is this stupid compact disc. It used to be a tape but my deck broke down, man...” I stopped my explanation cause the guy was frowning. He slowly walked away like he was scared of me. I guess he didn’t like the sounds of Public Enemy. Go! I don’t wanna listen to the radio. Cause the radio show makes me a dull old boy. I’d rather blast some tunes through the stereo. I’m gonna write bad songs with real bad flows. I was hanging with my buds at the local bar, I put a penny in the jukebox but it wouldn’t start, asked the waiter if he knew what the fuck was up. He told me it was old so the thing was stopped. I thought that that was bullshit, but what could I do? Then he turned on some music that didn’t sound so good. It sounded like a girl but appeared to be a boy. It really didn’t sound like something I could enjoy. So I asked the dude politely what LP was on. He said “This is the radio, man, I don’t know the song!” I listened to the radio, well, they don’t have a clue. Why the fuck would they play this Bleeper dude? Huh?
8.
I really like to be alone unless I'm with a girl, cause then I like to be with her instead. It's not cause she is interesting, no, definitely not. I just want to get her into my bed. I like redhead girls a lot, which is really fucking odd cause I don't fucking understand why their hair is red? I also dig girls with black hair, and the blondes, I guess I'll fall for anything that I can get. Cause "I'm not the most romantic of guys" that's something that Kurt Baker once said. But I don't give a fuck. I just like pretty girls. And it's cool when they want to give me head. I fuck bitches, but I love girls. I kiss chicks and dance with hoes. I fuck bitches, but I love girls. That's all I know. See, I just wanna fuck you fucking motherfucking senseless but also I would like to know your name. I'm looking forward to your kisses on my mouth and on my penis and I will kiss you too cause that would be insane. You're a special girl to me cause you're my best fuck of the night and you can go now but I'm hoping that you'll stay. I started liking you a lot, it's like love at first sight but actually to me it's just a game. Well, maybe we should meet again sometime, alright? Cause our favourite bands are pretty much the same We won't be together all of the time, though, cause you'll think that I'm pretty lame. There's nobody like me. Nobody likes me.
9.
It's summer break, I stay up late with people that I kinda hate. Cause I don't know what else I'd do to sometimes hang around with you. Everyone's in love with you and so am I and so are you. But I don't like to go outside and when I do I try to hide from all these stupid douchebag guys that you talk to every night. They flirt around and buy you special drinks to get you wasted. And I sit in the corner thinking of all my nights spent waiting. I always hope that sometime something super cool will happen. But it never does. It never does. They say opposites attract but that only works for me. And addition by substraction has never been my thing. I just sit inside watching Cars and crying in my beer. And if I'm really lucky then I'll see you in my dreams tonight. Summer break is over now and I think I got over you. But deep inside I cringe each time when I see you passing by. I jizz my pants a lot these days cause I simply stopped to masturbate. I'm feeling well most of the day but never really great, no. I just need a wake-up call so I stop thinking "fuck it all" Can't buy no more roses cause the roses look like you: even when they start to wilt they still look pretty good. But maybe now I'll meet someone somewhere - that would be great. But I never do. I never do. It's been 3 years now, and nothing has passed. It's been 5 years since we were in the same class. And there have been a couple times that we spent close together but simultaneously I wish I’d never met her. The most beautifullest girl in the most widest world. She was a flower. I am an elevator.
10.
Hey girl, I see you’re working at the local record store. I guess your former boss didn’t want you anymore. But it’s no surprise, cause you’re not very nice. But the size of your boobs makes everyone forget the prize of the record that they buy, or the single that they like. You charged 15 fucking bucks for “When I Look In Your Eyes” on seven-inch vinyl. Girl, you make me wanna kill ya, but luckily I found a place that made me really chill yeah. There’s records in the back, where no one ever came, and I was wondering why, and I figured they were lame, but they’re definitely not. I think I found my spot. I just found a copy of “Dorkrockcorkrod”. I don’t wanna be your boyfriend. I just wanna buy your records. Now time and time again I stop by and I walk in and all the dudes at the counter are trying to get it in. And you say ‘hi’, but I just walk by. All the guys in the store keep looking in your eyes. But I don’t care ‘bout you, I don’t want you to be mine. I just walk to the back looking for records on Bridge Nine. But I only find Verse – well, it could be worse. I also found a copy of “...To The Beat Of A Dead Horse” in the ten-inch section, which is really super small. Most people here don’t even buy vynil at all. They are pretty stupid, they only buy a CD, and hope that you will let them put their penis in your pussy. Finally I decide to buy a record at your counter, the record's out of print so I'm superstoked I found it. It's a limited version of the Tremulant EP, it costs 11 euros but I get your smile for free. And I notice something in your eyes I didn't see before. Something that I didn't see when I first walked through your doors. But you're looking lovely and I kinda start to like you. So now I drop by everyday just to be beside you. I still don't wanna sleep with you or go out on a date, but I'm dreaming that we'll open our own record store someday. We'll have a bunch of kids come by after school is done; you'll try to sell them Smiths records and I'll give them the Ramones.
11.
I know this girl, and she's really fucking cute. I got her number! (High five, dude!) I like to talk to her but I don't know what to say, and when she gets around I only want her to stay on the island of my feelings, where she'll always be. If she goes away, I might need therapy. But she will be with me, well, hopefully, and I will make her see that she belongs with me. I've met some chicks, they were all very fine, but none of them were supposed to be mine. I was not their type - no, really, lesbianest, I guess they're having fun, if they know what fun is. Anyway I'm drifting off, I'm all over those sluts. I wish I'd gotten under them but over is enough. I'm not a guy who tries to hump on everyone he sees and I don't wanna risk getting their STDs, bitch! I got a small request for this cute little girl, I hope she understands cause it would mean the world. I'm scared to screw things up and fuck up our lives, but "Do you wanna be with me and listen to the Hives? - Please!" I hope this doesn't weird her out and make her run away, I hope she wants to be with me and dance to the Steinways. It's a tiny question, but I'd really like it though, to be with her while listening to Alkaline Trio. I think that it'd be cool to spend our time together. Oh man, I'll just be glad if I could even get her but right now I'm in doubt, I'm not really sure. I'm wondering if she'd like Be My Doppelganger. Would she like D4, or maybe Emperor? I just want to take her to a record store. I don't know what she listens to on her iPod, but I damn sure hope it's not Lamb Of God. So do you wanna be in love with me? We'll chill out on the couch with some Fugazi, we'll go to the bed and spend all night making out to Making Things With Light. If you're alright with that I'd like to ask you out. We'll go to a show and we'll sing out loud, we will dance and twist on a Friday night we'll end up going nuts to the tunes of Hold Tight! I'll be Rivethead - you'll be the Copyrights...
12.
She just wanted to be friends, but I wanted to see her boobs, Maybe see what's in her pants, maybe it was something good. Now I just wanna have someone to conversate with. I don't wanna be that pervert who stays up late. Now I've changed, all the way. And I don't mean that I'm gay! No, I just want to talk to you. I think that's great. She went to ask my ASL, I didn't know what that meant. I had to introduce myself, so I said "Hi, I'm your new friend!". She said "I want to see your dick." & I was like "No you can't!". And she asked "Why?", well, she didn't understand that...
13.
F.O.A.D. 03:29
I wanna go back to a place where everyone was indifferent. We spent nights watching movies and stayed in for the winters, cause we were scared of the cold and the dark and the rain and we kept playing games of Scrabble just to keep ourselves sane. Now we're alone and we have no place, nobody to go to. All our friends are busy with creating an attitude. I wish they'd move away, cause I don't want them around, and when I see them again, I'll be glad. I'll be proud, cause I survived another year of doing things on my own. I appreciate their presence but I like being alone. It's not that I'm an egocentric asshole cunt, it just that I won't waste my time on something I don't want, like the cosy little nights of drinking beers at 2,50, fail in scoring any girls cause I'm too much of a pussy, end up wasted and forgotten by most of my buds, spend the rest of the night surrounded by dickwats. I don't want to go to hell cause all my friends will be there. I don't want to say I'm sorry cause I don't really care. I've been through some shit and I have trouble passing on so I think I just might come undone. I wanna go back to a time when no one had girlfriends and everyone was waiting for their own happy end. They all did their own thing and everyone was hanging out, but I can't seem to deal with all the bullshit right now. They say "no sluts, no glory". I don't know what that means? They also said I look better in plaid pants than jeans. So I guess they're not sure what they're talking about. I say "Yo get a clue, or just get the fuck out!".
14.
I like frost-bitten forests. I love burning churches. I’ll rape all your whores and I’ll steal all their purses. With horns on my helmet I look like a bull, but that won’t be so funny when I crush your skull. I love Odin and Wotan – wait, those are the same – but they’re cool and your god is just fucking lame. I discovered America way before you did. It’s disgusting, the fact that you took all the credit. I don’t have a home cause I sail all the seas And I don’t get cold, no, the cold it gets me. I kill seals for pleasure, the baby ones too. I kill everyone, so that includes you.

about

If you're crazy and you want a CD-R or cassette copy with printed artwork and lyrics and stuff, contact me and I'll make you a personalized copy!

credits

released August 16, 2012

Percussion on tracks 1-2-3-4-5-6-11-13-14 are GarageBand loops. Everything else you hear is pretty much by MC Karel (that’s why it sounds so rubbish). Recorded using GarageBand in my room.

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