Hey babe, I met you at Pre-Fest and you were the best, but I didn't know that yet. So it's class that I met you the next day outside of the Ritz and we were both very pleased I guess. When you asked if I was okay I thought "oh no way! But now I am cause you're here again." And you look cute as hell, that night I totally fell for you and it's so cool you dropped us off at the hotel. Whoa - "You should go to the Fest 12" and for whatever reason you actually did that. You're mad, but that's why I like you so much and when I found you eating gator bites I kinda felt a rush. "What is this? Is this real?" I don't know what I am feeling. Oh wait I think I do, what I'm feeling now is you, in my arms and my hands, on my lips, in my pants. Oh wait. Forget that last one. (awkward silence) So anyway, we spent a couple days hanging in Gainesville. I lost you when the rain fell, you showed up at the hotel. It all went pretty swell, I like how your hair smelled, how you made my heart melt. I'm so glad that I met you by lifting you up and acting all stupid like a lunatic drunk. It's cool you like punk, I think I'm in luck, there's all these bands playing but who gives a fuck? I just wanna go swim in some Florida spring with my favourite babe from the Florida scene. I just wanna go drink a couple of beers so thank God you got a counterfeit ID. Fuck the police, they don't know what's good. We're not alcoholics, we're just setting the mood and the mood is amazing, but we're both not staying. I'm well bummed about that, say goodbyes and that's that, travel back to the future but Belgium's for losers, I think. Now you're gone and I'm gone but we had the most fun. And I'm glad you feel the same and that we still can't pronounce eachother's last name.

Today's horoscope: your life is a joke! You're 22 years old and you got nothing to show. Self-pity-overflow, ain't got no lawn to mow and the grass will get you higher at the other side for sure. That's dope! (I mean the adjective not the soft drugs.) You got it figured out but I think that your life sucks. I know I'm not good-looking but I think that your wife sucks. Still I'm sitting in shambles while you're up in the big bucks. FUCKS. It's all uphill from here! I got to the bottom now I gotta reach the stratosphere. Don't fear! I specialize in drinking beer, wearing shirts, eating cheese, put on shoes, dissappear. Now it's all crystal clear: pants are for the weak (not for the weekend) so start fucking streaking. Clear out your fridge, eat a lot of fried chicks, lose your stupid pants and get out on the streets. Cause pants are just pants Stop wearing pants! Yeah, I'm a middle class guy with a lower class style. I hate most pants cause I hate the fly. They go up, down, up up, down down. How annoying is that, man? I'm not a clown! I'd wear sweat pants, but those are made for sweating. And I don't like sports, no I'll let the fat in. "No pain, no gain"? Are you insane? While you are jogging blocks, I look as sexy as my hot dog. FUCK. It's hard to stay nice when everyone around you is wearing blue Levi's. Man, put your trousers in your houses, put your pants in your vans and never wear them again. Damn, you're all sheep of society! Don't you think pants are a bit of an oddity? Cause it's odd to me that you all think that legs should be covered with some kind of fabric. Shit.