You're saying all this stuff and I use it as a buffer but you're probably just bluffin' cause soon you will have enough and your feelings will get hurt, your vagina could get bored cause you're holding in your laughter while I'm filling up your hole. I got a hard-on that I can't get rid off and as soon as we hit it off it just wants to get a lift-off. There's fluids going on in my penile prison and you hold the key, to let it all free, cause I'M TERRIBLE AT SEX! Well my nuts accumulate and store up my jizz things so I'll have something ready when we get down to bizniz. I'll try to hold it in but I'm just like "oh, shit" Feel like an idiot, let's just make the most of it. My dick is like Flappy Bird, it's huge and addicting, so you play it all the time but it's sorta conflicting cause it's fun to spend your breaks, but don't you wonder what it'd be like if the fucking bird could last a bit longer? I'M TERRIBLE AT SEX! I don't care about the physical necessities. I just wanna hang out and share recipes. Don't give a fuck about fucking - sex is for suckers. Just sit on my cock for 45 seconds, cause I’M TERRIBLE AT SEX! But I'm pretty good at foreplay.

Normally I start out with something witty but this time I wanna do it differently. I just wanna say that you're really pretty and I don't really care that your name's really silly. I just wanna pet you like if you were a kitty. Take you out to dinner and eat some spaghetti, get to a bar and order martini's. Throw them away and start drinking beers. Stay up all night until we're all giddy. Then you tell me straight up you're not interested. I totes understand and I try to forget it. But I just wanna know if wanna see some animals? AT THE ROTTERDAM ZOO, it will be cool, it will just be me and you, and all the other people there will stop and stare but we don't care. I already know that you got a boyfriend. I really respect you two so I'm on the low end. But there's this unstoppable force that makes me go and think about you - at least on the weekends. I’m sorry, I shouldn't say this out loud cause now he's gonna bash my skull inside out. Can we still be friends? Don't make me blackout! Please realise that this is for laughs, alright now. I just wanna see some porcupines right now, want you to guide me through the sea lions. Show me the paths to find the giraffes and run away fast to the "restricted for staff" cabs. We will feed those people to the bears.

While y'all are stacking dollars I am stacking up my records. Got no dough, got no friends, but hell no I'm no beggar. I'm just fine, don't need your cash, I'm on my bike, that's class, riding home with my LP's, oh fuck, I forgot my sleeves! No big deal, it's ok, what difference does it make? I don't care about the looks, I like the sounds that it creates. I like the splits, the EPs, the full lengths and the 10 inches. Now insert a stupid joke about my dick being 10 inches. So fuck you, get out of here, unless you wanna drink a beer, sit on the bed, relax, act like a couple of misfits, read along with the lyrics, relate to them and try to get the meaning but whatever that is, make sure that you get the same feeling. Always. Let's work out our issues, open up a box of tissues while we listen to reissues of Veni, Vidi, Vicious. Yeah. Let’s do that, let’s get wrecked. I wanna find love, and listen to punk rock but instead I gotta find a job and listen to my boss. It sucks. I gotta get some records from my shop and check the internet for all of the new stuff. Ten bucks a piece, adds up, plus shipping costs. It’s a lot, but I want it tomorrow in my mailbox. I wanna unwrap it, spin it and dance to it. Put it on my shelf so everyone can glance at it. Dangit. I'd rather turn on my player cause I’m not a player with people I don't care about, man, I don't wanna go outside, I got these tunes and I got REVIEWS TO WRITE. I’d rather be working with InDesign than work for the man and colour within the lines. Man, I don’t wanna go outside. I got a bunch of INTERVIEWS THAT I GOTTA TRANSCRIBE.

Yo CROSSBONEFEST, you’re the best. Got my mean jeans on, no time to rest. Gotta sing loud, pass out, rip my shirt, gotta dance hard till my limbs all hurt and my brain gets broken, my liver is fucked. I need a beer and pizza I need some punk rock. I need the hardcore too, just loud and fast, let’s kick some ass, with our party hats. It’s CROSSBONEFEST and I’m all messed up.

t's never fun to watch TV shows on your own, but I just hate the shows you watch, you know? I don’t think that you suck but it sucks that you were born. Stop spending time with me and don’t call me on the phone. Cause you’re such a PAIN IN THE ASS. You’re useless even at your best. I don’t want you to hang around. You make me feel like a clown. Cause you’re boring me to death and you act like my dad. No, I can’t deal with this shit. I think you’re a misfit.

I got your number but I lost it and now you're always never on my mind. But you're my favourite girl here and you're the only one who doesn't know that. I'm not a hopeless romantic, I'm just a fucking idiot Everytime I get my chance you always get in my way. I'd like to get a GIRLFRIENDbut things don't go my way. And I hope this is not the end. I just hope that she will stay someday. Then I went home totally wasted and you were somewhere else than me. So I ate chips and watched Digimon and I cried myself to sleep. I still dream of you each night but you look different every time. And maybe someday we will meet and it will be super weird - cause I don't know what you look like anymore. I don't like anyone else, cause I like you

And it's WEIRD for me how I hate everyone except for you. It's really really weird. I walk past your house and I'm thinking of you but you're probably not thinking of me. I walk past your house and I'm thinking of you. I walk around town and I pass all these people and buildings that I don't care about. I walk around town, I got nothing to do. I sit in the park and I'm reading a book and I'm eating some salty potato chips. I sit in the park and I'm thinking of you again. I'm stuck in my room and I'm listening to old Smoking Popes records but they're not doing it. I'm stuck in my room, I put on Hearts In Tune.

My teenage years are still ahead of me. I still can't get no sleep. The sun is coming up - but I'm still down. And I don't wanna be here now My high school was full of SHIT and college just made me SICK. I’m better off just wingin’ it. I'm twenty-three now and I feel irrelevant. And my issues aren't solved. Time's ticking on - but I'm still off. Won't my alarm clock wake me up? My teenage years are still ahead of me. I feel like I'm drowning in the Dead Sea. I've hit rock bottom - can't go any lower. I might as well just count the hours You don't have to go to space to see the world. You can just take a train. Or ride your bike - if that's what you like. This whole world is outta sight. I'm turning 16 again.

My lips are sick and I'm not far behind. I've spent so many days getting this out of my mind but I fail and I fail and I'll never be better. With every day my eyes become more red and I can't deal with shit so I stop giving it and I'm shit out of luck so I stopped giving fucks. My mind turns black and my knees start to tremble. My heart's a mess and I'm not capable of sorting this out, it's all too much. Will someone please kick me in the crotch? I am the dumbest fuck in my own little world. I should not give myself up for some stupid girl - GO! I HOPE I DIE when I get old but while I'm young I'll break the mold and my imagination is killing me. I hope my friends all shut up and my brain never stops cause the consequences, they scare me. And in the end it all works out and I forget what it's about so please, never believe me.